You woke up one morning and rubbed your eyes out of deep sleep. You wondered if you recognised the room you were peacefully sleeping in for the past 8 hours. The colours seemed unfamiliar, and the fragrance kind of new, but you know you’ve been comfortable here through your sleep, so it somehow seems yours to you.

You came into the world similarly and accepted the way it stinks in your face occasionally.

You thought you didn’t mind going through a door every other day, and starting all over again, as long as you’re moving on to something new.

But what if you aren’t? What if you’re moving in circles and are right back where you started from? I’m not talking about your whole life cycle, just every other day. Do you remember the last time you felt a feeling that was completely new? An experience turning you curious, a feeling strange and mysterious? You’ve always known the answers, haven’t you?

Nobody taught you to breathe, nobody taught you to think. Your brain spoke to you and your lips, they opened automatically. What if you’ve been here before and there is a reason as to why you are so accepting of life, of everything it throws at you?

How can an infant survive without its mother? How can no work be an option for a beggar? How can we drop out of college, and accept failures and jail? How are we so okay with death, and life, when it comes again?

How come it’s not as big a deal as it used to be before? Is our life on loop and no new feelings left for us to explore? Is it the repetition of history, or the documentation, itself? Are we numb to new experiences, or is all our adrenaline used up for and by the media?

Am I questioning humanity, or is it only a matter between a couple of generations?

We cannot cry at funerals, and when we do, we cannot vouch for its authenticity. We cannot commit, and somehow that questions our authority on love, life and having a family.

We are running away it seems, but what if we just want to step out of the wheel? Are we meant to stay on in this mundane cart, just because we may one day be a big enough spoke in it? Or do we want to abandon the track and walk instead? What if we don’t need to be spokes if we can use what’s in our heads?

Maybe somebody else has said this before, or it may be something new. But I just want something to happen for us to break out of this loop.

Story originally published here.

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